Sunday, August 3, 2014


As I sit and think about applying for jobs starting tomorrow I am forced to take stock of my priorities. What I start now helps define my future, what I look for in the coming months guides how I will spend my life. The problem is, I just don’t know! So I start with what I do know, and that is what I DON'T want. I know that I don’t want to life a comfy suburb hidey-hole life. Not that it wouldn’t be wonderful; I just think there is so much more. I know I won’t be able to keep the fire and passion of God, that life will slip in and slowly drown out whatever ambition and desire I had. I can feel the icy water around me, saying I have to become just like everyone else, there is no other way. There must be though. Would I have such a strong desire if there wasn't a fulfillment for it? There must be a way I can be happy with a family, and still not succumb to a passionless normal life. While the thought is overwhelming right now, I do really want a family in the future, while keeping my passion and ministry.
The thought of finding a partner is daunting enough without requiring them to want to live out lifelong ministry too. I feel myself finding despair as I think about it. I know I must be overbearing sometimes, and I know I am not gorgeous, nor particularly funny (as you begin to see why I shouldn't ever write a dating profile, hahaha). To get a catch of a guy like that; with godly character, motivation, and passion, will be a miracle. Luckily I believe in miracles, and I know the job will come, and the home. Just looking at the future and not having a clue where I will even be in a month… is literally chilling me to the bone. I am scared, I feel like my world is breaking up over and over, and there is no one that can calm me down.
God save me. Protect me. I don’t know where I am going, or how to get there, but lead and guide me. I thought fear was behind me, but the extremely vague idea I have about the future is like a nightmare. I shy from even thinking about it. I don’t know how to be an adult and take this thing, but I know I have to. For you Lord, I will do anything. Show me the way.  

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

United and Unstoppable

This week was amazing; I am inspired and challenged by the youth I work with (not that this is unusual). Most people would have just sat back when they were told that their church service would be canceled due to severe weather. They’d say “hey, it’s risky, not a big problem.” Not our youth, they wanted a service, they wanted to say goodbye to two of our exiting leaders, and they wouldn’t take “no” (However, they did this respectfully and went right to the youth pastor, thank goodness)… Given the ultimatum that we would try if they could get 50 people to come, I watched them work together, encourage, and fight to make this happen. And within a few hours it was done, amazingly. Worrying for them, my first thought was keeping them safe, but I could hear God’s voice gently saying He was glad they were willing to risk. Their willingness to risk and fight for church services is something strong churches have had for centuries. He was glad they were fighting together, bonding to make things happen is essential in His family. In the end, we hybrid the Wednesday night service to allow everyone to worship together, and say goodbye. Safe and they got what they needed. I was blessed to be worship alongside them, blessed that they took ownership to make it happen.

So to them: May you never stop thinking it’s worth the risk, worth being a rebel, worth the challenge. May you always stick together, fighting for your friends and loved ones. May you constantly seek God, pray, and timer in scriptures. And may you have the spirit of the friends who broke through a roof to get their friend to Jesus (Mark 2), not letting anything stop you from getting to Him. 
Every blessing to you all for years to come. I can’t wait to see the amazing men and woman of God you become!
Thank you!