Thursday, December 1, 2011

On a Jazz and Coffee day

Dark brown

Strong and lean

On a blustery day

So serene

Quiet I sit

Warm and still

Leaves dance

twirl and twill

On a Jazz and Coffee day

Prayer for Healing


I am yours, in complete

Even as a child I was yours

Would you leave me like this?

Would you leave me in pain?

You provide, provide for me!

My body aches, I am afflicted

What have I been doing?

It is the work you set me too

The work you called me into

And yet I am laid like a lamb before the slaughter


I know your name

I know you heal

You have done it before

Do it again!

Do not let my anguish continue

Do not let me resign to this

A life of agony

You are healer, you are master


What peace you have

Give to me!

Let me find still waters

Restore me! For I am week

Strong Father

And what do I need but you

My soul cries out

Lamb! Lamb! You were slain

Oh God, your Son, died

His blood over our sins

The scripture says:

“By his wounds you have been healed”

What is it to you?

Such a small thing


I never understand your ways O God

Your thoughts are too great for me

You never come as I imagine

I am always amazed

What is it you are doing?

I do not understand

Or cannot


If you are for us

Who can be against us?

Do I have to fear?

Lord my God

Victory and overcomer

Go before me,

Lead me in the way everlasting

Lead me on the path

That is taken less often

Ease my discomfort

And hold me up

My strong arm, you are

You with the victory for me

Because you love me

And in your love, I can love

In your strength, I am strong

Never a day goes by

Where you are not with me

Hold me Abba, Dear Father

Hold me near

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Begining of a potential book

Its not edited yet, sorry. I have obviously managed to drag you here, so please feel free to leave questions, comments, and let me know if this is a project I should consider continuing. Thanks!


Her small body was curled stiffly in the fetal position, shivering. A massive camp fire burned behind her, men surrounded it, speaking in a strange tongue. Their words fell harshly on her ears as she struggled vainly to understand them. Surly this would be her last night alive, they must have spared her for a reason since they could have tossed her back in the burning house. But in the pit of her heart she knew they had no kindness in them, so they must have something worse then burning alive planned. She hugged herself tighter as their voices droned on into the dark night. The craggy ground bit into her scorched skin, the burnt ends of hair tickled her face like the tears she couldn’t cry. Blackness slowly crept in over her vision, she closed her eyes. The echoing screams of terror flashed with the fire in her vision, horrified faces! The smell of burning, fire eating, destroying, flames leaping around her… eahhh! Her eyes snapped open again. The men were silent, everything was silent except the whimpering. Where was the whimpering coming from? She realized with confusion it was her own. One pitying voice spoke up behind her, and another harsh reply. The first voice spoke again, and there was some murmuring of the others. She wanted to turn and look at them, plead with them for her life, but she couldn’t make herself move. Her bones seemed to be jell, refusing to do as she wished. Her tongue would do no more than whimper. The voice that had pitied her seemed to be taking a stand, the other backed him. Suddenly she felt the sensation of being lifted gently. Whoever held her did so carefully, and started walking into the rocky hills. The others joined, from the sound of footsteps, but at a distance. Time seemed to slip slowly for her, progressing like a small stream fumbling over the rocks. When they finally halted she was shivering intensely, unable to feel almost anything. A man stepped next to them. Even in her blurred vision he had a hard bitter face, scarred and unemotional. He spoke in a harsh abrupt way. The man carrying her spoke softly back and made to move forward. The bitter man grabbed his arm to stop him and made a throwing motion. Her heart skipped a beat as she forced herself to look down. She saw that they were at the edge of a large crack in the ground, big enough for two people to enter. It seemed to lead into nothing more than inky blackness. She twitched and clung instinctively to the man carrying her, seeing his face for the first time. He was young, maybe thirty, with strong features and an endless sadness in his eyes. He looked at her, than back at the other man and shook his head. The bitter man looked angrily at him and turned away. Slowly her and the sad man descended into the pit. The others gathered near with frightened expressions, like they expected a myriad of ghosts to ascend from the pit. They murmured between themselves and gazed after them into the shadows. In the darkness she could see nothing, but they seemed to be descending stairs. When they finally stopped they were on level ground, smooth as though carved by hand. He set her down on the floor against a cold wall and crouched down to look at her. In the dim light from above she could see a small tear. He brushed her hair out of her face and kissed her forehead. He seemed to struggle for a moment with a word, “bur…bair, bear, fir bear, is the fire beur. Ovur queck nuw….surry, so surry” Standing up and saying something of a goodbye he left her. She could hear nothing but her breathing reverberating around what must be a large open space. Her heart thudded heavily. Everything was so dream like, surly she would wake any moment in her own house. Her sister would be sleeping beside her, the sun would be just rising over the hills. The smell of breakfast would waft to her and she would cuddle closer to Mia to fight the early morning chill. Closing her eyes she willed this to be, desperate that she should awake and find it so. Suddenly there was a clatter and a crash as a torch was thrown the stairs, lighting the whole room. The light was a shock of its own at first, but the real shock was where she found herself. Sucking in a violent breath she instantly felt unbearably small in comparison to the magnificent chamber around her. It was all made of stone, carved straight into the hill, probably at the base of the great mountain. It was ornately carved up into a dome and shimmered as though alive, like cold fire all around her. She hid her face, buried it in her arms. She could smell the fire residue still on her burnt skin. Then came the whispering noise, its soft sound like murmuring wind moved in from a void in the wall at the farthest side. A scentless smoke rose around the room like ethereal hands, moving around her, almost as if it were sensing. Another light rose up in the tunnel to the far side, a bright light. A figure entered the room, consumed in that light, seemingly bathed in flames but not burning. More than that, it seemed to be flames. Fire bear, yes, this must be it, what the man was trying to tell her about. Then, very quickly there were several of them at the entrance looking at her. Some walked on two feet, some on four, but all flame. They started to move forward, toward her. If she could have cried or screamed she might have, but she really just wanted this to be over. If she was going to die, then fine, just let it happen quickly. But they weren’t attacking. They stood around her, now looking much more bear like, and sniffed her as if confused. The pawed gently at her burns, their fire licking her skin but not injuring. The fire they were made of really didn’t seem to be hot or dangerous at all. She put out a timid hand and patted the nose of the nearest one. He flinched away and then came back, curious. Despite the pain she was in she was quite in awe of these creatures. A bear from the back, large and darker colored pushed his way to the front and roared at her, his flames burst at her hot and hungry. The others pushed him back though, more interested than hungry. He sulked at the back somewhat dejected looking. Just then another light entered the room, it was blue and white colored. The other bears quickly made a path between them for this particular colored bear, which moved slowly through the hall. Its eyes seemed to pierce through her, filling her with a strange feeling. Without realizing it she had risen, and began walking toward it. She stretched out her hand, and they met half way through the line of bears. A sudden longing filled her, she wanted to touch this fire bear, so much that she was comfortable dying if it meant being destroyed by something so beautiful. She reached out with both arms, and suddenly flung them around the animal. Instantly the blue flames wrapped around her. She seemed to breath them in, clinging tighter and tighter to them. They felt hot, bitterly hot on her skin, but still she clung. She took hold of fistfuls for flaming hair and yelled out into the flame. She yelled for her mother and father who were gone, for her sisters and brother who would never be back. She yelled, letting it all go. Suddenly she was released it and fell back into utter blackness.

She woke laying in the large chamber in the dark. The bears were gone and daylight seeped through the opening in the ground. She tried to sit up but felt sore all over. Not a terrible sort of sore, but one like after you have run a long way the night before. The night before came back to her in snippets, like a dream. The blue flame. This she remembered, but after that, nothing. They must have spared her, let her go. Surly the men had sent her here to be eaten, but yet she live on. She pushed herself upward and walked toward the light, feeling no desire to stay longer and risk they should return, this time hungry. As she entered the sunlight she felt strength pour through her, stretching her arms and legs and feeling the little pin pricks of laying still so long. As her grogginess dissipated she realized with sudden fear that her wounds were gone, the burns were just scars now. How long had she been down there? She felt her hair, was very short still, but the burnt tips were gone. She laughed, it wasn’t funny, but then it was somewhat. Her confusion, fear, and sudden hope roared out of her in the form of a laughing fit. Soon tears were running down her face, and her sides ached. Then came the torrents of tears. She couldn’t help it, couldn’t stop it. They streamed down as she choked and sobbed. Finally, when the fit had passed she sighed and laid her head on the grass in the warm sun, letting sweet sleep come again. When she woke hour or so later she felt hungry, very hungry. Where would she go though? She looked in the direction of her former home but didn’t have the strength to go back and see what was left. Her heart ached deeply, she should return and bury the remains, if there were any. She should at least say a partying goodbye, but she just couldn’t. She wanted to remember them as they had been. No, she would have to go on. On somewhere far away. Away into the distance, with any hope she would find something to live for.

It only took till that night, sitting alone in the drafty forest, for whatever spark of hope she had that morning to die away. She was still walking, still hungry, and now quite cold and lonely. However late and abrupt the realization that she had nothing and was going nowhere was, it quite put her off. Not that she stopped to reconsider, as she also was coming from nowhere and was nobody, but it put her in a foul mood. She walked through the forest cursing and shivering and causing a ruckus in general. Finally she sat on a log to catch her breath and gather herself. She rubbed her arms, finally blowing on her hands in hopes of warming the chilled tips of her fingers. It happened so suddenly she fell backward off of the log. Sitting up quickly she brushed herself off and laughed at herself for being so jumpy. Certain she had only seen the shine of the moon through her fingers. Despite her own reassurance she decided to try it again, she put her hands near her face and warmed them with her breath. She jumped back, not genuinely startled, the same flash had shown itself in her hands, lasting a fraction of a second then disappearing. While this terrified her it also gave her another small gift of hope. She quickly gathered some sticks and twigs and put them in a pile in an open space. Kneeling down she cupped her hands gingerly and blew into them, this time nothing happened. The same with the second try. Her heart sank again. Then came anger, she shouted at the pile of sticks, grabbing one angrily she yelled at it, “What? Can’t I even have fire? After it took my family can’t it give me the curtsy of one night of warmth?” She knew how silly she sounded but it hardly mattered, one way or another she seemed to be meant to die. She threw the stick into the pile in utter frustration and nearly tripped backwards when the stick burst into an angry dark flame. As her anger subsided the flame took on a more normal color, burning the sticks and twigs happily. After a moment of hesitation she ran back into the woods in search of more wood. When her fire was finally the right size to warm her she curled up next to it. Looking at it, softly sparking and wreathing she knew she should be terrified, but she felt more fascinated then anything. It was so beautiful. Reaching out cautiously she touched the flame, it felt warm, but only comfortably so. She pulled her hand back out, it wasn’t the least bit burnt, but it did smell pleasantly of the burning wood beneath it. Sleep, again, took her.

When she woke she found her fire had gone out, and a mist of rain watered the land.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Ahh, sweet emotions, how do I express thee?

More poetry, as it seems to be all I have time for these days. Again, this could use polishing, but I say that as if someone will actually read it. Oh blog, essentially I use you strictly for storage purposes, mostly for all those under credited emotional thoughts. Congratulations!

Little Locked Boxes

Emotions are so easy for you

You wear them around

Like a coat of furs

Show them off like many colors

Adorned like a necklace

Not so for me

I feel them so strongly

Like being ripped apart

Torn at the seams

Until my leaves rain off

And my petals are scorched

So I hide them away

In little locked boxes

Safe in secret spaces

Until it’s time to open

And then the tears come

Or the laughter like fountains

Sometimes I leave them too long

Or forget how to open them

Dusty musty feelings

Like old pearls in the attic

Dust in the sun,

Slanting from the roof

I need pictures then,

Or memories, or songs

To pull the feelings out

Shyly drawn to the sound

That is so much like them

A delicate colt, scared

Tumbling fourth

Or a heard of wild mustangs

Come to trample me underfoot

But come they must

For their absence is worse

And my mask will crack

With time and stress of use

So draw them out

Magic colors, sounds, tastes,

Smells, memories

Draw out the waves

Bring them to me

As I dance to the tune

Of emotions

And brace myself delicately

For the onslaught

Earth-song Lullaby

Fall asleep, windows wide open

The winds breath a lullaby

Like distant ocean choruses

Sighing into your dreams

Tasting savory of salt and sweet flowers

The tang of sunsets and warm days

And leave wide your doors

In hopes of lovely things

The distant night music

Swaying and gliding

A rhythm of movement

As the world turns

And a thousand distant lights

Like stars on the ground

Twinkle and wink delicately

Beautiful moments

That seep into your soul

Sweet and innocent

They brand themselves

A mark on your heart

Always calling you back

Both bitter and sweet,

As memories are

But sleep now love

Sleep peacefully, and dream,

As the earth sings to you

In its own way, a complex chorus

That moves ever on

Whatever may happen

Good or bad

It will be there, a comfort,

The song of life and living

Moving and breathing.