Saturday, March 2, 2013

Waves of Doubt - Struggling for Faith

I wanted to write today. I wanted to write something inspiring. Unfortunately, I seem to have found this week more about my weak points than my strong ones. (And I may not be the only one*)Thankfully, it’s my weak spots that give glory to God, because there is no way I could figure this out on my own. One thing I learned with every fiber of my being is that I need more faith. I am the “oh ye of little faith,” I am the one who steps out of the boat and promptly starts drowning. I find something, hear that “come!” jump out, and then doubt whether I even heard the calling at all. There are moments I forget the boat, forget the call, even forget Him, and only see the wind and feel the icy waves clawing me into the depths. Why is the easy way not usually the right way? These last few weeks I heard clearly what I am supposed to do (well, clear in some respects), and at first I jumped right for it. Great! Of course Lord, you know I’m game, I trust you! But soon sneaking doubts, “what if’s,” and questions of the calls legitimacy started crowding in. Suddenly I realized how hard that way would be, what a struggle I just jumped into. The waves crashed… and I looked down. Thankfully, I keep looking back up again in time to grab the hand offered to me by my gracious savior. He keeps reminding me that He has spoken, He does not change, and it is not all about me. What He asks me to work toward, He is working on for HIS glory, not mine. He is completing this good work not as some favor to me (as if I deserve such a thing), but because HE has a plan and purpose and it is good. Well Lord, right now I believe, may I do so tomorrow and every day afterwards. I know this struggle is not in vein, I know He is doing something in me. Doubt is like a plague, it makes you feel awful and it spreads quickly. I don’t want to doubt, God has proven Himself faithful again and again, and this will be no different. If doubt is a plague, then faith and hope are the miracle cure. I need to get out of the boat, forget the boat, forget the wind and waves, and remember nothing but Him and his desire for me.  It’s time to stand.
Phil 1:6 “…being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

* 1 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

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